i'm addicted/one and only

i haven't made regular entries on this blog for a long time, many things have happened since the most recent, i started a life coaching course and also i started to think more seriously about what i want to do as for a job, when at first i enter i had no idea how life changing it would be then i started seeing this changes i have started this relation with flavio well started again  when did your name change from a word to a charm, yesterday i had a situation i called as a abstinece syndrome i was alone resting from the run and teh the dinner on new years eve and i wanted to go and see the guy i'm dating with who by the way is an ex, flavio,
then somehow here i'm again we spoke about this new situation (well not complete new) i've certainly been here before at least this time he told me exsactly what i can expect from him which is not what i expected to hear i told him that i've changed which is true but somewhere in my chest something got broken i want more and i'm not sure if he is willing to at least try to do so maybe if i tell him how desperately i need him but then again what if i scare him away right now  i can see him in my future i don't know for how long,
i promise to give my time and work and all my effort to keep him but i forgot i can not make no one to change his will,
something in my mind tell me to give up
that he wont change his mind
that i will get my heart broke
he said he won't change his mind but i want a chance maybe i should wait to check and then tell him to give me a change a good one cause i deserve it and he too
he said that he wants to be all laugh and pleasure but i'm willing to see the dark side cause i have one too
i understand that relations are all about being happy with the other one maybe not all the time but happy most of the time
to talk and sometimes to feel uncomfortable to grow together
lately he 's been iddle like cold and distant i certainly don't know how to feel about it
i feel jealous of other people around him
i feel sometimes desperate about  all things in my life i must move on