going to hades

i can not take this outta my mind yet i've been thinking about it all morning but nothing good came out of it only... poo damn! i'm not in my ming today i wonder what happened because i just wake up with the weird feeling that my life is going to hell and then suddenly it is let see what did i do  yesterday that gave me that felling today recap...mmm... the the fact that i went to work does not change a thing is always a mess and i'm getting tired of it i must go and look for other options, then i came home take a bowl of sugar covered corn flakes with milk and coffee everything was good then i took another one then chilaquiles and egg my father came and he complaint for living live and having no place to go due he wants to live an effortless life then it came a blank espace due and empty-and-well-ingnored chat with him so like half hour in a blank space(....) i started to read and then he tweet me i called him he was about to came home and i get exited (ok reason found) untill now i haven't notice that i am in love with him... for real!(i guess) i would like to spend the rest of my live with him not only because he is so atractive to me, i mean i do can talk to him for hours (like five hours yesterday) more during the week not adding the time on the phone that we spend together but for him i'm only a friend a good one and.. i guess i deserve it is karma, i've cheat on him, i have pretend to him, i have date other guys trying to forget him, he may notice that i'm starting feeling all this again and i said again because it has happened before when i met him and the he dies when he met the other guy he was dating with and he came out to life again with all his thoughts and stuff that is so stunning for me.
during our chat yesterday i notice that i'm still felling that for him but i have to let it go it was painful before and it will be if i let it be again if it's going to happen it will but i'm not going to wait, i'm not going to make false expectation again i promise my self but acctually it was good having him here on the night saying nosense all night yes i know i'm doing it again i must stop i'm saying nosense i lose my poing what i was talking about? dunno i'm going back to bed i might remember what i was talkig about good night